I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
