dude i'm inner monologue high
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
this is an emotional support booty call
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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