I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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