Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
