Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
