the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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