Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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