Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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