God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
