You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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