Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
