when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
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I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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