Quick, to the slutcave!
I've blown a few things in my day
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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