Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
