I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
