you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Oh god it's open bar.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
