Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
