Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
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Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
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As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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