Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
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Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I need a beard to bite.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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