I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
