I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
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Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
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I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My legs feel like baby dolphins
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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