there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
