I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
