like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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