its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
