I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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