I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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