your thong is hanging out like whoa
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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