Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
This house was built for laser tag.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
