those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
