The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize