No stitches, just platelets and will power
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
