Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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