wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
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He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
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i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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