i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
