In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So much Jack, so little girl.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
