NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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