It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
