Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
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A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
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It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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