Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
