Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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