Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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