i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
