Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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