my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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