Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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