im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
