The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
