I hate all girls vehemently.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
