bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
