whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
