do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
