Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
its liver damage thursday
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
