is your mom at the bar?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
