I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize