i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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