at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
