So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
