I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
