I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
